Thursday, June 25, 2015

Sorry, no bun in the oven

There are two typical questions that are thrown in my face on a weekly basis. The consistency is becoming rather annoying that I wish I could give crude replies at times. It comes from all sorts of people - my family, my friends, my colleagues, my church mates, and AND people that I'm not even close with. =.=

Wanna take a wild guess?


Having been married after dating for 9 years...

What better question to ask than:



Of course my standard polite reply is always: Yeah, we're working on it. (Insert fake grin)

But seriously, why do people think it's okay to ask such a question? I mean what sort of a question is that to begin with? Isn't it common knowledge that we can't just decide when we want to have a baby? We can decide when to have sex, how to have sex, but we cannot decide if a baby comes along after that? *rolls eyes*

Another award-winning question would be...

*drum roll*


Anything I do, LIKE ANYTHING can result to that same golden question:

1. Makes a fashion boo-boo by wearing a bodycon dress thus revealing not so tight waistline *slaps self* - Are you pregnant?

2. Throws a baby shower for close friends - Are you pregnant?

3. Have random cravings - Are you pregnant?

4. Can't make it for gatherings - Are you pregnant?

And the list goes on... Seriously? Not even a "How's life?" or "How's work?"... "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" Is my womb the only thing that concerns you?

For the love of God. Why so much eager and excitement?

Maybe I'm taking this too personal. Maybe people just can't wait to congratulate me and welcome a mini Mel or mini TK to this world. I should take this on a more positive note. But in all seriousness, these questions are nothing but unnecessary stress and pressure. Every time I get these questions, I can't help but wonder if Tk and I will ever be parents.

Don't get me wrong, we're not infertile (I hope we're not), we've only been trying for a few months (and I know some couples wait up to a few years to conceive), it's just that the waiting can be quite a challenge. And questions like these just don't help. Instead they're emotionally burdensome. It makes me doubt, it makes me scared and it even makes me depressed (especially on the days when I'm at my lowest).

Somehow I just wish people will leave us alone, and let nature take it's course. I believe God has His timing and His plan. We just need to surrender unto Him and have faith. Perhaps I need to pray for patience too! You know, to get, less annoyed. LOL.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Tongue Troubles

Since young, I've always been known as this kid who will never shut up. I enjoyed talking so much that I remember once it pissed the hell out of my kindergarten teacher. That fateful day, she simply couldn't get me to stop talking, so she decided to TAPE MY MOUTH. With Scotch. Like seriously. Isn't there a law to protect innocent chatty kids?

Anyway, I still talk a lot these days, so obviously that Scotch stunt didn't taunt me (Boo-hoo cellophane-taper-teacher)! And er… Thing is, somehow sometimes I wish it did. Perhaps she should have taped my mouth like double layers, y’know, make me incredibly petrified, then I won’t have to find myself sitting around these days, regretting half the things I say. Okay, okay, I can sense your eye balls rolling back and forth, I assure you, we’re getting somewhere.

So I've been at my new job for two and a half months now, and its well, so far so good. My boss is, um, let’s just say he was a funny guy (I don’t know, somehow I don’t find him really funny any more, I think it’s my PMS), he’s only a year older than me, and I really look up to him, I marvel at the fact that he’s a sort of self-taught copywriter, and a darn good one too, if I may add. He’s been really nice and patient with me, given that I've got zero experience in ads copy writing, but (yes there’s always a “but”), most of the time he’s not around.

I know what you’re thinking, you’ll say, hell, that’s awesome! Cuz like who wants to work with their boss 24/7 right, hashtag stress, hashtag pressure, hashtag eagleye, hashtag etc, but can you imagine working ALONE, facing the four walls, MOST OF THE TIME? I really don’t know which case scenario is worse.

Then it happened. Me and my big mouth, ever eager to share my thoughts with others, regardless of them being interested or not… I told my boss how I felt. I said blatantly that I didn't know how long I could go on, and that the loneliness was beginning to eat up inside of me. I didn't feel motivated at work, I felt like crap. Seriously. What was I thinking? Did he look like Oprah material? *slaps self*

And I didn't stop there. I went on to say that I felt like I wasn't showing much improvement, my copy writing required constant checking and editing. Despite the projects pouring in by the truck loads (pardon my exaggeration), I couldn't see myself sharing the burden with him. It was almost as if I was unworthy. I couldn't justify myself working there.

He paused, and started laying down options for me calmly. That was when I started to fear. Did I sound like I wanted to quit? I mean, do I want to quit? Is he letting me go already? Gosh. I’m so messed up.

So there you have it, an account of unnecessary blurting by yours truly. I mean, why did I have to tell him what was in my head? Why did I have to tell him how shitty I felt about myself? What was I expecting to hear from him? Ugh. I'm such an idiot. 

Saturday, August 02, 2014

It's for the Living

So there we were, my little brother and I, well technically he’s turned 21 this year so he isn't that little physically, but he’ll always be my little brother, you know, that tiny cute baby boy in his PJs, holding onto his favourite pillow like it’s the best thing in this world. Anyway that’s not important, why do I even bother illustrating. Now, where were we? Right, my little brother and I. Like seriously, I need to stop calling him little.

Well, there we were sitting at The Morning After at Ativo Plaza, enjoying our lunch. He ordered a Beef Bolognese and I had the yummiest Smoked Salmon and Egg Mayo Sammie. I must say, TMA has the best Sammie! It’s a toasted bagel really, but it’s not any ordinary toasted bagel, its one hell of a crispy, tasty bagel. You’d think our conversation would revolve around how good the food was, but somehow we ventured towards something deeper, we talked about, death.

Death is something that we’re able to relate to. Not that we actually died, obviously, or else I won’t be sitting here typing this. But let’s just say it was something far worse, we had to see our father die. Perhaps using the word ‘we’ ain't too accurate, because as a matter of fact, I only manage to get to the mortuary an hour upon receiving news that my father had died from a heart attack. My brother did though, literally. 10 year old, innocent little school boy, watched his father collapse from the hospital bed.

He was standing near the window, as he recalled, he froze as he witnessed the fall, he was shell-shocked, fear enveloped him almost instantly. The lady who happened to be visiting the patient next door quickly pressed the emergency bell. But my brother knew. My father was gone. Just like that. He left us. Until this day, my mother holds grudges against the hospital because she felt that the doctors and nurses didn't do their best to bring him back, but my brother knew. The sole witness to the entire awful episode knew from the depth of his heart, that my father, our father, had went home to the Lord the minute he fell onto the ground. And there was nothing, anyone could have done to revive him.

My eyes stung with tears as I listened to the full account of what had happened at the hospital, the day my father passed away. All these years, my brother had refuse to open up. I guess he was too traumatized by the entire incident. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him. It's been ten years now, I'm thankful that we're finally able to talk about this. And if he happens to be reading this, which I highly doubt so, I just want to say: "I'm really proud of the man you have become. Despite growing up without a fatherly figure, you've turned out wonderfully. You're mature, intelligent and understanding. Daddy would be so proud too, as he watches over you from Heaven."

I remember watching a scene from The Fault in Our Stars, whereby Hazel Grace Lancaster decides last minute to differ from her originally penned Eulogy for Augustus Waters, her reason simply being, “Funerals, I had decided, are for the living.” And I couldn't agree more. The ones living are the ones who will be grieving and mourning, they are the ones who will need every ounce of comfort and support that they can get in order to carry on with their lives. The ones living are the ones who will need closure. When enduring this difficult time of great pain and loss, they will need every word of affirmation that they can, and they will eventually be able to move on despite this huge void in their hearts that will possibly never be filled, ever, again.

Death sucks. It sucks big time. All you have to do is imagine your days ahead without this special person who have passed on and you will experience that agony, that frustration and worst of all, that sense of helplessness. Now now, let's not all die from depression, instead rejoice in the fact that this special person had once touched and blessed our lives. Being able to cross paths means a lot, it's precious memory that nobody will ever be able to take away. Live with that.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Not So Common Courtesy

I feel robbed. It's not about the money, it's about the principles. 

Let me rephrase that, I feel... INSULTED.

Fine, you want us to share in getting this exquisite farewell gift that you feel strongly about. The least you could do was confirm with us if we're willing, instead of getting the gift straightaway, having it all wrapped up and giving it to the person, then letting us know that we've to pay up. EXACTLY WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! 

If you hadn't notice, nobody appointed you as leader, and we're so NOT YOUR MINIONS. If you enjoy calling the shots, then behave like one who can - give a bigger share! The nerve you had, bullying the newbies into giving a share as well. Absolute absurdity.

Perhaps this entire ordeal is just me being sensitive. But really, was it so hard to simply notify us? If we were that insignificant, then you shouldn't have included us at all. Oh silly me, of course you couldn't afford to do so - You needed the numbers to split the bill!

Common Courtesy... Certainly not so common anymore.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Of Ranting & Venting

If there's one thing that I truly despise, it'd be, well, HYPOCRISY.

I hate it. I can't stand it when people say one thing and do the other. I curse and mock in my heart when I see somebody criticizing another for an action that they tend to commit themselves. C'mon now. Judge and BE JUDGED.

Why complain about this girl being vain and self-absorbed, claiming that she constantly bombards your Facebook Newsfeed with her self-taken close-ups, when you bombard mine with yours? Why pretend to be friends with this guy, praising his muscular body in front of him, and laugh maliciously about him being gay behind his back? *rolls eyes* Why tease this girl about copying other people's fashion sense, when you end up getting the exact same designer bag as another fellow colleague? For F's sake - just stop it.

I don't know what's gone into me. At the beginning, I thought I could be friends with this person. When I saw how she was being misunderstood and isolated by the others, I even took the initiative to help them resolve the matter. Some good words here, some good words there... And guess what? Now that they're one big happy family, they're ganging up against this other person. *facepalm* Perhaps some people are better left alone.

We're not school children anymore, so there's really no point acting like one. Literally ignoring the guy's promotion (at work) when it's being announced, excluding him from lunch, laughing at how obnoxious his profile picture on Facebook looks when you act all friendly in front of him... Really? Is that how the world works these days? I'm flabbergasted.

For me, things don't have to be that complicated, I either like you or dislike you, and rest assured, you'll know it almost immediately because my body language don't lie. Yes, perhaps wearing my heart on my sleeve isn't such a wise move, especially in this mind-boggling era that we dwell in, but I can't help it. This is who I am.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Not An Ordinary Weekend

I don't know about you, but my weekend was a roller coaster ride.

First, I made amends with a long lost friend, and then I stepped on his toes, causing us to be in woes. Irony much?


Reconciliation is a big word. To me, it means more than forgiveness. When you decide to forgive someone, it doesn't include the burden of proceeding with that particular relationship. In other words, you can choose to forgive someone, and simply move on in life without the two of you ever crossing each other's path. But reconciling is like giving the two of you a second chance to start from scratch. In order to be able to do this, you need to overlook all the hurts and disappointments that you once brought to each other. Also, apart from setting aside all emotional baggage, you need to be able to develop that trust for each other again (and this is probably the hardest part).

So I guess it all boils down to how much you value this relationship, and how far are you willing to go to salvage it.

In my case, I'm thankful that the feeling is mutual. We both treasure the friendship that we once shared, and we've decided to start afresh! 

"Thank you for coming up to me to clarify the necessary. If I knew any better, I would have come up to you first. I'm glad that you decided to share your thoughts and new dreams with me, I'm truly exited for you, and I can't wait to celebrate the day you finally achieve what you've been striving so hard for. As we catch up with age, many things change - our working environment, our circle of friends, our mind set and our goals in life. But let us not allow these circumstances to change the fact that we'll always be the best of friends."

Honest Mistake

I do not believe anybody should be persecuted for an honest mistake. I remember studying back in law school, that intention played a big part when it came for a judge to rule a case. And that is precisely the kind of principle that I've decided to adopt in my daily life. Due to the slip of a tongue, a friend said something that he shouldn't have. He apologized to me profusely after, and I accepted. Yet the third party on the other hand, wasn't as forgiving. While I do not agree with the shifted liability as I believe that I've the right to confide in whichever friend I choose, regardless of his preference - I apologized for his aching ego.

There's a dose of senseless pride within each and everyone of us, but is it something that we all deserve? What do you do when pride comes in the way of something special? Do you overcome it, or be overcome by it?

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pink Daisies

So I was doing my work like normal, then out of a blue, my admin came over to our editorial department and handed me a bouquet of pink daisies and a box of my favorite chocolates. (Yes, I'm aware of my severe acne condition, but everything goes in the name of choco!)

I was really surprised, I never expected this from him. After a round of teasing and giggling by my colleagues, I gently placed the flowers on my table, and for the rest of the day, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of warmth and comfort. He cared. He took the initiative. There was still light at the end of the tunnel! (The drama queen I am)

Apparently, pink daisies represent purity, grace, happiness, joy and hope. I wish of nothing more than that for our relationship. :-)